Relationship Issues, Self-Esteem & Identity
Attachment
During the first few years of life is a time of rapid development that forms the basis of how we develop a sense of self, which is deeply relational. This means that our lived-experience of self and our unique ‘world’ is greatly influenced by how we were taken care of, or not, what environmental pressures were exerted upon us, and our temperament and genetic material.
While many therapies don’t specifically utilise an attachment framework for certain ‘goals’ of psychotherapy - however you might define ‘positive change’ - many forms of psychotherapy converge on an attachment framework as central to understanding treatment of many presentations, or an central part of the therapy.
There are many reasons people may have for needing a therapist with a working understanding of this, such as issues occurring in your long term relationships and relationship difficulties with others, but also common issues like anxiety and depression, mood disorders, and personality disorders.
Relationship challenges
Relationships, and working on the relationship we have with ourself included, can be difficult and require the help of a therapist to explore and work on. It can be that we are needing to develop skills and capacities that were not facilitated by early life experiences and have a lingering negative influence on us. An influence that can limit our ability to create meaningful change in our lives.
When part of our experience is not accessible to us, avoided, or constantly overwhelming, usually due to being high in intensity of emotions, sensations, and/or thoughts, this affects our subjective (personal) experience, or our ‘interiority’ we experience when we ‘turn inwards’. Going through difficult experiences not only shows up issues that can be complex and difficult to resolve externally (with others) and create negative, often painful, ‘internal’ experiences.
You do not have to be in excruciating pain to access and benefit from psychotherapy. For instance, it is common to experience a sense of not belonging, isolation, not feeling able to positively influence and change how they feel about themselves or others, conflict, or lack of connection in long term relationships. Anxiety and depression, to name a couple of common issues, are often experienced in relation to these challenges. Below is a bit more about how this applies to specific common concerns though the list is not exhaustive:
Challenges you might be facing
If you are seeking out therapy for issues experienced in relationships, or related to self esteem or identity, you may be experiencing difficulty with some of the following (but not limited to):
Communication issues
Conflict
Emotional connection with others
Trusting others and/or yourself
Codependency in relationships
‘Losing yourself’ in relationships
Self-sabotage, self-doubt, criticism, imposter syndrome
Potential areas of development
Communication skills
Self-worth, confidence, and a stronger sense of identity
Breaking unhealthy or dysfunctional patterns
Boundaries, conflict, and assertiveness
Deconstruct and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves about life events and ourselves
Capacity for authenticity, presence, and connection in relationships
How I can help:
Understanding the issues you are currently facing based on your past experiences helps to understand how to address them:
How the challenges have developed over time, including what is keeping them going.
What aspects are helping you, including your strengths (e.g. determination, creative abilities) and supports in your life (e.g. friends, pets, employment).
Prognostic factors that indicate how the problem will continue looking forward (e.g. type of challenges being faced and options for addressing them).
Models and theories appropriate to your presenting issues and goal/s can then be chosen that are the most applicable. For example, some people prefer or need more top-down approaches that require thought, analysis, and developing understanding and insight. Whereas others may require more bottom-up approaches that work at the level of the body and felt experience.
More on what the therapy will look like
The therapy then looks like taking this shared understanding of the facets of the challenge/s you’re facing and attending to them, which often looks like talking about what is pressing (what’s on your mind) and noticing what is happening on an experiential level.
Through receiving feedback, impressions, thoughtful questions, and reflections, new capacities can be developed that help to address your challenges.
I cannot promise cure, nor can any clinician, though one of the biggest leaps in the process of creating change is being open to change being possible.
Disclaimer: Please note that I am not currently able to offer couples counselling.
If you are wondering if I can help you with the issues you are going through that involve your relationships, please feel free to reach out for a no-obligation phone call and I can let you know if I will be able to help and whether they fall within my scope of practice.