Relationship Issues, Self-Esteem & Identity
Relationship challenges
Relationships, and working on the relationship we have with ourself, can require the help of a therapist to explore and work on. Our experience of ourselves is not only about how we relate to other people, but also includes the relationship to what we think and feel, which influences our identity and self esteem.
Our experience of ourself may not be accessible to us, avoided, or may feel overwhelming. For example, intense, painful, or uncomfortable emotions, sensations, or thoughts.
Often, people need to develop skills and capacities that were not learned in early relationships and life experiences. This can limit our ability to create meaningful change in the present.
You do not have to be in excruciating pain to access and benefit from psychotherapy. It is common to experience a sense of not belonging, isolation, not feeling able to positively influence and change how we feel about ourselves or others, conflict, or lack of connection in long term relationships.
Attachment
Attachment theory (Bowlby) describes how relational experiences in our first years of life with our primary caregivers form the basis of how we relate to others in our later life. This relates to, how we were taken care of, or not taken care of, what environmental pressures were exerted upon us, and our temperament and genetic material.
You may be experiencing challenges in your relationships due to the relational patterns that were learnt early on in life. The good news is that these are not static ways of relating - they are malleable and able to be worked on.
While many therapies don’t specifically utilise an attachment framework, many forms of psychotherapy converge on an attachment framework as central to understanding treatment of many presentations, such as for the issues below.
Related challenges you might be facing
Communication issues
Difficulty with conflict
Codependency in relationships
‘Losing yourself’ in relationships
Self hatred and poor self esteem
Self-sabotage, self-doubt, criticism, imposter syndrome
Mood disorders
Personality disorders
Anxiety
Depression
How I can help
Understanding the issues you are currently facing based on your past experiences will help us both to understand how to address them:
How the challenges have developed over time, including what is keeping them going.
What aspects are helping you, including your strengths and available resources.
What is impeding you or adding to the difficulties being faced.
Some people prefer or need approaches that require thought, analysis, and developing understanding and insight. Others may require or prefer approaches that work at the level of the body and felt experience (somatic and affective). It is also likely that both may apply to some degree.
This then often looks like talking about what is on your mind. Through receiving feedback, impressions, thoughtful questions, and reflections, new capacities can be developed that help to address your challenges.
Skills and capacities this helps to develop
Communication skills
Self-worth, confidence, and a stronger sense of identity
Breaking unhealthy or dysfunctional patterns
Boundaries, conflict, and assertiveness
Deconstruct and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves about life events and ourselves
Capacity for authenticity, presence, and connection in relationships
Disclaimer: Please note that I am not currently able to offer couples counselling.
If you are wondering if I can help you with the issues you are going through that involve your relationships, please feel free to reach out for a no-obligation phone call and I can let you know if I will be able to help and whether they fall within my scope of practice.